Let’s discuss a subject that always gets me excited when I talk about it.  Soul Mates. The reason I get excited is because…believe me when I tell you, there is no better feeling in the world than being in love. As a matter of fact, if you are going to fall in love with ANYONE it should be your Soul Mate, right?

Many people that I talk with believe in Soul Mates, and rightfully so!  However, we must look at some things before we declare a man or a woman to be “The One”.  So, where do we start?  Let’s start by stating the enormously popular definition of a Soul Mate.  Soul Mate: the one person that God has for you to romantically spend the rest of your life with.  Simple enough, right?  Everyone can easily understand this definition.  However, one must realize a few not so obvious observations.  For example, a Soul Mate does not have to be a man or a woman.  A Soul Mate does not have to be involved in a romantic relationship.  AND get this, you don’t even have to be married to your Soul Mate!  I will tackle these issues in my next post (Soul Mates Part II).  However, for right now, let’s continue with the general definition and move on.  This is going to be fun!

When I hear people use the term Soul Mate, I welcome it.  However, I also know how the Soul Mate concept works in the real world.  Don’t get me wrong, I totally believe in part of the definition, but not the entire thing.  The word “one” throws me off and it’s probably ruined enough relationships in history to warrant a change to the definition.  Let me clarify.  God may very well have a person for you, but it does not have to be “The One”.  The DCP states that anyone can fall in love with someone else, but you don’t have to be a Soul Mate to do it.  Furthermore, when a person says that they are looking for their Soul Mate, what that person is unknowingly doing is accepting an enormous amount of pressure to find him or her.  More importantly, even if that person were to believe that they had found their Soul Mate – every fight they have, he or she will start thinking…I married the wrong person, or we need to break up, or this relationship is not healthy, or how can something so right go so wrong?

Let’s examine the facts.  Fact 1:  There are over 7 billion people in the world today.  Do you think each one has a Soul Mate?  Fact 2:  The divorce rate is over 50%.  Fact 3:  The remarriage rate is 52% for men and 43% for women. This begs the question; Was Soul Mate spouse #1 or spouse #2?  As one of my divorced friends jokingly put it…the first marriage was “the practice marriage”.  The DCPBL (DCP Bottom Line) is that you can’t change your Soul Mate like you change jobs!

The truth of the matter, is that relationships require maintenance and attention – CONSTANT maintenance and attention, and no amount of SOUL will keep the two of you happily together when you are constantly arguing about money, where to live, chores around the house, how many kids to have, what car to buy, who’s turn is it to do the dishes, etc. etc.  As you can see, the list of potential land mines in a relationship is as long as a country mile!  So, the real issue is not if he or she is your Soul Mate or not, but how do you maintain the love you felt for each other in the “Honey Moon” phase of your relationship?

We are all changing and will continue to change until the day we leave this earth.  Simply put…change is what life is about and anyone that has been in a relationship definitely knows change is what love is about.  Thankfully, The DCP believes in continuing to better your best, and that’s what our focus should be in our relationships – Soul Mate, or no Soul Mate.

– Remember, it’s better to be in love and enjoying life, than to miss out on life looking for your Soul Mate.

You have a voice at Inspired Visions; I am always interested in hearing what you have to say!   If you have questions, need advice, or just want to vent, please contact me at


Coach Dwayne

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